It is well

It’s 7:45 PM. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve nursed Eleanor since coming home but I do it one more time after her evening bath. At this point it’s more of a night time ritual.. a hopeful prerequisite for good sleep. The older I get, the more sleep I need but the more it evades me. Surviving on Gods good grace, I hold her little body while marveling at her little toes and all the things that make her so uniquely her including the strawberry birthmark on her back.

We longed for her. For three long years we struggled to have another baby and now she’s here; our little rainbow baby, Eleanor. Despite this, postpartum anxiety has still been ever so present with fear like a roaming lion waiting for its opportunity to take me. Life feels really hard most days but Jesus… oh my sweet Savior.. has never felt so near. As I read through Matthew and the sermon on the Mount, the beatitudes speak to me; reminding me that the Lord blesses these seasons. I can feel the lion and I know he’s there but when I fold, He surrounds me. When the lion roars, He whispers. His truth is a shield protecting me from the one who doesn’t want me but only wishes to keep me from Him. Im forever grateful for my Heavenly Father.

Motherhood is my battlefield. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose but I can always claim victory in His name because according to John 16:33, He has already overcome the world. How I long for the day when we are given our new bodies and our new minds so that I can spend eternity enjoying His presence and all His blessing with no fear. The roaming lion will be gone.

For now I rock my babies and pour every ounce I have into being the best I can be. With tired eyes and a body that gets weaker by the day, I proudly claim His name and declare His goodness despite the never ending hardships this world brings. He is good and all is well with my soul. Thank you Lord for peace that defies all understanding.

Eleanor Jean Keating

 

Eleanor Jean Keating 

Born February 12th, 2025 at 3:39 PM

Leona is almost 6! Sleepover at nana and poppa bear’s!

I feel so grateful to have made it to Feb 1st so we could have a small celebration for sweet Leona Grace. The moment we found out baby number 4 was due on Leona’s birthday, i was both excited but worried. Not only was Leona becoming a big sister but she was now possibly sharing the same birthday! 

Happy Birthday Amelia

 Happy 3rd Birthday Amelia!! 

 Probably my favorite photo from your big day. If there is anything I have learned about you in these three short years, it’s that you are a very practical person! Birthday rituals are not your thing and that’s ok 😂 you were so ready to eat cake that day but everyone was taking their time. You were being so patient while mom snapped 100 photos and gathered everyone around to sing your birthday song. 

 Birthdays are a hard thing for me. I love celebrating my babies making a full circle around the sun but it’s so hard watching another candle being blown out on the cake. You are still my baby and I’m holding onto that!! You LOVED this day and getting to see all your cousins. Never in a million years could I have pictured your spitfire of a personality but what a joy you are! Happiest of birthdays to my sweet Amelia who gives all the free hugs; her femininity shines through her gentle and nurturing nature but is not afraid to play in dirt and LOVES finding worms in the garden. We love you baby girl!! 

To My Daughter

Dear Leona Grace,

We did it! 

Pumpkin picking 2021

 

Team work makes the dream work! And big brothers who help you carry any pumpkin your heart desires to the wagon. Pumpkin picking was a little different this year as we tried out a new place that was closer to where we lived. We have gone to Jones orchard every year and have loved it but couldn’t really justify the drive with a newborn in tow. 

1 month with Amelia

 

 

My little girl, you are one month old! Although you are still little and require multiple feedings throughout the night, you have honestly been a dream baby. You have made this transition into a family of 5 so peaceful and joyful. The older kids LOVE you! Even your sweet sister, Leona, who is only 2 can’t get enough of you and calls you by name all the time; “milla” she says proudly every time somebody new comes to meet you. 

Amelia Louise Keating

 

Labor Day, September 6th 2021. It was a normal Monday for me. I had to work and so did cal. Rob and Leona stayed with my in laws since schools were closed. I was dressed in my brown scrubs because at this point this was all that would fit my stretched and tired body. I headed into work. I had about 14 patients that day and ended up leaving a little early so that I could get home to my family. Cal was still at the fire station so I met my in laws to get the kids and get some yummy Labor Day food. It was such a beautiful day. When we got home the kids wanted to stay outside so I opened the garage and we played. Rob saw his nerf truck hanging up on the wall. I knew it would be hard to get down but together we tag teamed it. As soon as I stepped off the stool, a gush of water trickled down my leg. Being my third baby, I instantly knew what that was! Without hesitation I yelled out.. “well that did it!” I instantly regretted those words as they fell very heavy on my 8 year who suddenly felt responsible. I calmed him down and told him that this is normal and is happening exactly how it’s suppose to. I rushed inside to call cal. He came home and together we orchestrated pick up for the kids. At this point I wasn’t having any intense contractions so I decided to hop in the shower and take my time. Cal and I then headed to the hospital around 5 PM.  

Here she comes!

 

Some ‘maternity photos’ cal took for me a couple days ago. I don’t know if it’s because this is baby #3 or the fact that cal and I both have been working full time during a global pandemic but this pregnancy has just flown. As I write this, I’m sitting in the hospital waiting to deliver our newest baby girl. So many emotions running through me right now it’s hard to put it all in writing. 

2020

I remember taking this photo (above) on my brand new polaroid camera that I had just got for christmas. It was New Years Eve. I had just finished grad school and got hired at my first job. I knew 2020 was going to be a big year, but boy was I still in for a ride. I remember having so much anxiety. I chalked it up to this new chapter in life (which was huge! dont get me wrong!) But in hindsight, I really think God was preparing me for the tumultious year ahead. I remember writing a blog last year on this day. It was all about praying through the New Year because I could feel it. I knew I was going to need prayre more than anything in 2020. 

Gratitude

 

The worlds a mess. I know. 

The future is uncertain and that can be very scary. I hear you. 

Current events just don’t seem right for some of you. Things feel unfair. I get it.

I may not share the same beliefs as many of you. But I share your frustrations. I, too, feel worried and frustrated for my own unique reasons. Sometimes I internalize these feelings. Other times I lash out. 

Neither have been productive. 

Nobody should tell you how to feel. Your personal feelings are rightfully yours. I respect that. 

But the leaves were extra beautiful today and I needed that. I felt so good during our family walk; a peace I can’t really explain. 

It made me realize that there are still things to celebrate. It may be as small as the leaves on the tree but I’ve learned over the years that God uses small things to make big changes. 

I’ve been through a lot this season and it poisoned my mind. My feelings are valid and real and I deserve to feel them. I’m allowed to be angry, upset, and bitter. But I don’t have to stay in this headspace. 

I can let God use the leaves on the tree to change my thoughts. I can heal. But it’s work. It requires patience. If requires you to be still so that you can actually see the beauty in front of you. When you are reactive, you miss it. And I don’t want to miss anymore 🧡 

Pumpkin patch 2020

This post has been sitting in my drafts and I’m on a mission to complete all my drafts since they contain precious memories that I want documented forever. Looking back at these photos give me such mixed feelings. At first, i see two babies that have grown immensely in one short year. My heart feels warm and I get that.. “ahh my babies were so little” feeling. But then I look at them closer and see something so much deeper. Something darker that almost makes me not want to post. Maybe that’s why it sat in my draft. I didn’t have the happy post I always try to keep on this space. Maybe I had no words at all. But time does heal wounds and I’m ready to share. 

I am.. pushing forward. Heres to 30!

I started this blog post in May with the title "I'm 30!" Its now august and Im re-typing everything and rightfully giving it a more appropriate title. To be fair, most of my blog posts are pending right now because although I had every intention of finishing what I started, my soul just couldn't press forward and deliver the words that I felt accurately depicted where I am at in my life. 

Lake Trip 2020

 Lake life.

Amelia Island

Pics from our sweet summer vacation at Amelia Island

A week not free of its challenging moments

But a trip I will always be grateful for 

Much needed family time and small reprieve from the world. 

I came back even more tired than we left and with the worst sunburn I have ever had

But I would relive every moment just to have my family all to myself again. 

Pain with purpose

Oh these pictures. I will treasure them forever. Leona was sitting with Rob when a really loud car drove by scaring her. Rob grabbed her up, consoled her, and promised to take care of her. it was beautiful.

Mothering is hard but comes with these precious moments that continue to change who I am. It challenges me and pushes me into the arms of Jesus as I too get scared of the loud noises sometimes. And there are just a lot of loud noises right now. 

The Next Right Thing

“Take a step, step again,

 It is all that I can do

The next right thing 

I won’t look too far ahead

break it down to this next breath

This next step

This next choice is one that I cane make”  

Leonas 1st birthday

Leona is one! 

Happy Birthday Party my sweet Leona! 💕

Leona Grace Turns ONE

Last night I rocked my sweet girl to bed knowing that when I lay her down, it would be my last time putting a baby to sleep. This morning she woke up a WHOLE year older. I cried like a baby as I sang our song. I twirled her one tiny stand of hair in between my fingers and sat there quietly as she nursed. All I could think about was the moments I was pregnant with her. I was in Grad school and had no clue how I was going to juggle everything that was about to come my way. I woke up in the middle of the night in feb of 2019.. I sat in her rocking chair at our old house..and I started to cry with fear and anxiety. 

The New Year 2020

My New Years Resolution Battle

With a New Year upon us,  resolutions are in full swing. These resolutions are typically crafted with good intent but are often met with half-hearted attempts and poor results. Though I still enjoy taking time at the beginning of the new year to reflect on things I could do better, I find it harder as the years grow to adopt new resolutions. They just haven't worked for me.

I hate that.