10/14/18

Apple Picking 2018


Apple picking for our family is such a special time. Not only does it bring us together and allow us to spend family time together, but it also signifies the start of a new season; Holiday season! October is so fun b/c it kickstarts the three month long string of family fun and holiday festivities. For us, Apple picking has always been our favorite way to do this. This year just felt a little sweeter though. Maybe it was extra sweet because last year we missed the orchard due to my crazy schedule. Maybe it was because the relentless memphis heat finally gave way to fresh cool weather and all its Fall glory.  Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I am in grad school, pregnant, and had one of the hardest weeks of my life this past week. yeah.. I think that last one is it.



It started Sunday night. I literally thought I was having a heart attack in my bed while the rest of my house was quietly asleep. My chest tightened, my heart pounded, and my stomach was twisted in knots. My anxiety was in full swing as I stewed over all the things I had to juggle in the upcoming week. I was overwhelmed. I am not gonna lie and act like I have learned how to master these feelings because I haven't. I have just learned over the years to keep going. It will all work out. And it did. The week came to an end and I survived. I pulled out a B on my midterm and successfully juggled work/school/and home life. I still felt like something was missing though. With all the juggling and surviving, I was missing one important thing; quality time with my family. Cal and I had successfully come together to make sure all basic needs were met and that someone was there to pick up, drop off, cook, clean, etc. But that was it. We were just surviving and doing what we had to do to make it to the next day.

I notice when my anxiety is bad, it usually means Im disconnected somewhere. I truly believe family is what gives purpose and meaning to this life so when we starve ourselves of quality time with them, we only amplify our stress and anxiety by driving a void in our hearts that our loved ones are suppose to fill. Thankfully I was able to realize this after having another infamous anxiety attack and immediately pulled out my calendar to scratch out all my plans for the upcoming weekend. I didn't care what needed to be done. Screw that. I knew I needed some time to reconnect and refocus my thoughts towards my sweet family to freshen my spirit and give me zest in life again.

I needed these sweet moments. Watching rob pick apples like it was the coolest thing since sliced bread, cal showing him how to (improperly)  use the fruit picker, and Amos running around the orchard like a spaz who owned the place was everything my soul needed. I even got to love and focus on little baby bean in my belly. I know it sounds silly, but I could just fill her/he there with us. My family had never felt more complete or full than it did in that moment. Just when I get freaked out about having a new baby while finishing grad school, I have moments like this where everything just feels so right. Another reason I truly needed this day. Things may go back to being crazy in no time, but I am holding onto these precious memories and how in these moments, everything in the world was right. 💚Love this family of mine so much.

Happy October everyone!