Jackpot.
We always joke about winning the lottery. It sure would be nice in one sense but if I am being truthful, I did win the lottery. His name is Calvin but goes by Dad to one special little dude.
I will never forget Calvins first day as a dad. Both of us were nervous nellys and had no idea what we were doing (sorry rob!☺). We were in absolute aww and adoration but just felt like at any moment we were gonna somehow break this tiny little creature. Its so silly to say now, but we were newbie parents who never read the instruction manual on how not to break your newborn baby so yeah..I guess we just kind of thought that was a thing.
So much so that when it was time to bring Rob home, Calvin drove the whole way going a whopping 35 MPH 😂. I had been with this man for 2 years at this point and had NEVER seen him drive so safe in my life. He had both hands on the steering wheel while leaning forward and honking and waving for cars to pass us (on the interstate i might add) because there was no way in hell he was going more than 35. Those were exact his words, actually. Had I not been so consumed with compulsive thoughts about our little one falling apart with every pot hole we hit, I probably would have laughed. But I didn't because I too was a nervous wreck. As funny as I find it now, I appreciate the fact that Cal and I were on the same page that day. Two youngens in love with a new human that was ours with not a clue on how any of this worked. We were awkward at first, but together navigated the highs and lows of parenthood. Which brings me to my next story..
The moment we walked through our front door.
That part was even more scary. This dynamic was new to us and everything we once knew felt so foreign, even our own home. Its crazy how brining a new human into the world for the first time can do that. What was more scary was how real it all felt in that moment. It was truly official then. We brought a new being into the world..he was ours..what next? lol!
We had family there to occupy us at first, but as soon as they all left we awkwardly tried to find a new normal. It was nighttime at this point, so we were like..yeah..its time for bed. Little did we know, newborns really don't sleep so our first attempt at some kind of normalcy was a total fail. We attempted bed time for a second time by laying Rob in the bassinet by our bed. This lasted a total of 15 minutes but in those 15 minutes cal and I embraced one another. It was the first time we held each other since I gave birth in the hospital. It was a hug I will never forget.
That hug was the first thing that didn't feel foreign to me. Everything around me was so different that it started to terrify me, but Calvins embrace was not. It had not changed. It held the same pureness that it did before we embarked on this journey. It amazes me that at a time where my mind was struggling to make sense of this new life of ours, my husbands touch was the only thing that made me feel grounded. It was because of him I was able to find a new normal.
He was my normalcy all along and because of his faithfulness to us, we as a family of three began to thrive. He helped us wherever and whenever he could. He would cook for me, do laundry, and when Rob woke up for feedings he would walk me down the hall so I wouldn't be scared. There was nothing he could do for me and rob at 2 in the morning since I breastfed, but he would sit in the the nursery with us anyways. He even made a pallet on the floor one night. Every two hours he would follow me to the nursery and crawl in his pallet on the floor beside me. There was not much he could physically do, but he knew his presence was important so he gave it to me.
It was then that unkind thoughts filled with worry and sadness brought on by those pesky postpartum hormones began to relinquish their power over me as the support from my husband flooded my angsty soul with continuous waves of relief. Without his support and gentleness in those first few months, I have no idea how I would have coped with trepidations that sometimes come with the postpartum period.
I don't even want to entertain such crazy ideas. I just want to make it clear how much I appreciate, admire, and adore Robs dad. He can be goofy and hard to handle at times, but is so selfless and willing to serve those he loves when the time calls for it. He provides for us not just with his finances, but he gives us his time. He is present. He is there for us. He encapsulates all that we celebrate on this special day. He is our rock and our hero.
Cal, we so hit the jack pot with you.
Happy Fathers Day.
